For the past couple of days I’ve received calls, text messages, and
emails from concerned people asking me how I am. And I’ve been very
consistent with my reply… I am ok.
I know that most of you who know me so well didn’t believe that short simple statement. My apologies if it sounded so crappy but that’s everything I had to say. I tried to convince you to believe me the same way I convince my self. Unfortunately, both ways didn’t work. I may be good in displaying a balmy attitude to some people, but for you who almost read me like a book, it is not an easy case.
Most of you might think that apathy is not part of my vocabulary. Now you learned it is. Not that it is an acute stage in my character, it is more of a disease that habitually harbors my sensibility. Queer as it may seem, this painful captivity is one of the best panaceas to my festering emotional baggage.
Some of you said that I kept reasoning out. Yes I did. Nevertheless, it was to no avail. I tried all efforts to tell you what I feel, but then it’s either I’m not good in words or what I feel is something that can not be enunciated.
I don’t want to live in a counterfeit soul life where I show people how happy I am when inside I feel so hollowed. This is not about petite things and whatevers which some people who claim to know me, think bother me. This is about relationships, self-esteem, resilience, respect, being flustered, and how figures become a matter of indifference.
I’d like to thank you for putting up with me despite all that had happened. I know I’ve hurt some of you with my cynical responses. I’m so sorry.
I know that most of you who know me so well didn’t believe that short simple statement. My apologies if it sounded so crappy but that’s everything I had to say. I tried to convince you to believe me the same way I convince my self. Unfortunately, both ways didn’t work. I may be good in displaying a balmy attitude to some people, but for you who almost read me like a book, it is not an easy case.
Most of you might think that apathy is not part of my vocabulary. Now you learned it is. Not that it is an acute stage in my character, it is more of a disease that habitually harbors my sensibility. Queer as it may seem, this painful captivity is one of the best panaceas to my festering emotional baggage.
Some of you said that I kept reasoning out. Yes I did. Nevertheless, it was to no avail. I tried all efforts to tell you what I feel, but then it’s either I’m not good in words or what I feel is something that can not be enunciated.
I don’t want to live in a counterfeit soul life where I show people how happy I am when inside I feel so hollowed. This is not about petite things and whatevers which some people who claim to know me, think bother me. This is about relationships, self-esteem, resilience, respect, being flustered, and how figures become a matter of indifference.
I’d like to thank you for putting up with me despite all that had happened. I know I’ve hurt some of you with my cynical responses. I’m so sorry.
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