After almost a year of trying all possible and bearable ways to remove
my insomnia, it’s still there. Still giving me more time to scrutiny
situations, analyze things, ponder what I really want…. admitting that I
want them.
A friend once told me that
“the mind can be so powerful it can deceive itself”.
He’s right. For several times, I almost convinced myself to believe
that I am somebody who’s la… la… la…, what happened is simply a le… le…
le…, etc. just to make certain events more acceptable and less painful.
It’s
difficult to force yourself to accept something you know you can’t, but
have to because that’s the only way to make things less complicated. No
matter how clear truth appears in front of you, you chose to close your
eyes and deny that you see it. We can do that. Anybody can do that even
if it’s so real and so obvious. That’s why it actually takes so much
strength to stand for what you want yourself to believe. Yes you chose
it to be that way but the main question is, how does it feel?
Normally,
people draw away. Keeping in mind all the positive things it can do
together with the negative ones, the person isolates himself or herself.
Maybe not totally disappear but somehow tries to manage the distance
that has been set apart. It’s kinda sad if you ask me.
Same goes
with people who have fear of getting too close. No matter how much you
try to reach out for them or no matter how much you want to prove them
what you feel, no matter how much more you wanna give, they continue to
stay at a certain distance. Thinking about it, they do have the right to
stay that way. They have the right to protect themselves. But ‘til
when? What does it actually take to finally make a step out of your
comfort zone?
Do we need to choose less to lessen the pain?
NR2304
